In life, there comes a time when we need to be heard and understood. As an example, we are the guides to our children and its absolutely necessary for them to listen to us.
When our children are young, they need to listen to us about safety, such as, to be careful around the stove and to be cautious when using sharp objects.
It’s relatively easy to teach our children all of this because the outcome and repercussions are immediate. Whats more is that we can override our children and force our way if needed.
It becomes far more difficult to teach our children as they gradually become teenagers. They have a mind of their own and some may even be rebellious.
Mind you, there is still a lot left to teach. From simple teachings such as to how to avoid drugs, to complex teachings like how to search for and fulfill the purpose of life that we have been created for.
Unlike teaching them about safety in childhood, teaching them about the importance of finding the true goal to life is far more abstract, and challenging.
It will help greatly if we learn some basic rules which will enable us to communicate better with our children in their teenage years so that we have a greater impact on them.
Consider: When one views someone’s WhatsApp message for the first time, we tend to profile the person, and when we see a message from him the next time round, we have an idea of what to expect.
If the first few messages were trivial, most probably we will not even view the future messages.
In the same way, our children are going to profile us. This is why we need to choose the most important things to discuss with them and not prioritise the more trivial matters.
The second point to consider: If a person sends too many messages, people tend to ignore him or even block him. What’s sad is that sometimes an excellent, gem of a message, is lost amongst all the other insignificant messages.
So we have to wisely choose and stress the most important messages only and leave the rest to them to figure out.
So what should this first message be… Good grades? Future career paths? Worldly status? Houses and cars? Appearances? Or should it be belief/religion!?
In making a choice, we have to understand what is of utmost importance. Whatever job they secure, whatever car they drive, no matter where they live, at the end, the destination is the same.
So it makes no sense in us stressing these trivial things to them. Naturally, the message of priority should be religion.
Now within religion, there is a lot! From the importance of ’emaan’ to wearing the pants above the ankle, what exactly do we prioritize…
In teaching religion, we have to be cautious. We cannot impose on them like we did when they were children.
They could just switch off. Apart from this, in teaching them religion we simply have to win over their hearts. We are not making robots that pray outwardly but do not care at all.
Religion is about love and caring. It’s very important to win over their hearts.
Coming back to what we should prioritize in religion… The answer is simple, prioritize what our Holy Prophet Muhammad Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam prioritized which is ’emaan’.
This is the first pillar of Islam. The Holy Prophet Muhammad Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam is reported to have said: “there is nobody bearing witness that there is no diety but Allah and Muhammad is the Apostle of Allah with a sincere belief in his heart, but Allah has prohibited for him the fire.” Al Hadith 1.1.2.21.
‘Emaan is all about believing in Allah. Simply put, the goal is Allah – talking to Allah, learning about Him, seeing His wisdom in everything and perhaps, even seeing Him.
Attaining emaan is not something ritualistic or devoid of meaning but it is the greatest of all human achievements because we are developing our spirituality to become the ultimate in creation that Allah SWT created us to be.
The next thing that our religion stresses is Surah Al Fatiha and if we get this right then it would help us in attaining ’emaan’.
Surah Al Fatiha is the opening chapter of the Holy Quraan. Our Holy Prophet (ﷺ)has called this surah the “Mother of the Book” and he said that prayer is incomplete if this surah is not recited in every rakaah of prayer.
So this Surah is of paramount importance.
In teaching them about Surah Al Fatiha we have to also stress a few things.
Firstly, we must teach them the meaning. It is a prayer seeking guidance! They must know what they’re praying for otherwise, how is Allah SWT to answer their prayer.
Secondly, we must teach them to read this Surah as if they are talking directly to Allah SWT and they are.
They must know that Allah SWT is listening to them, without doubt. This is teaching them Allah Consciousness.
Lastly, we must teach them to rely on Allah SWT alone for guidance and He will guide us to His true servants.
They should know that there are thousands of religions and in Islam too, there are more than 70 different sects.
They also need to be aware of social media and how easily one can be influenced by anyone and everyone. There is a lot of deception going around. So they must open up their hearts to Allah SWT and seek His help and guidance.
As we said earlier, we should not overwhelm them but instead give them space to process the information.
When they themselves show interest, we can guide them further by talking about all the branches of faith such as loving for others what we love for ourselves.
Watch our YouTube series on ’emaan’, listen to our audio novel: Doolhun The Bride and read up our articles that are relevant for our times. We have to educate ourselves first, in order to educate our children.
May Allah SWT guide us to have good, healthy, loving relationships with our children. Ameen.
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