Family is important, it is the building block of society which provides for a loving, stable environment for our children, the future generation, to grow up in.
With the name of Allah,the Most Gracious, the ever Merciful.
Islam does not recognize the allegiance to tribe, race, gender or place of origin but instead recognizes the allegiance to an international common brotherhood that stands up for truth. In this brotherhood everyone stands equal. The only smaller grouping that the Holy Prophet Muhammad (SAW) encouraged is that of family or blood ties.
Now, the family unit is the most important part of society because a good family background is essential to bring up good, well-balanced, law-abiding people. As an example to illustrate this, there are many poor communities in the world today that have major problems because they have children out of wedlock and the fathers’ of the illegitimate children do not take responsibility for their children. In such communities there is no stable family unit where everyone works together for the common good of everyone in the family and the children thus grow up in poverty and in an environment where there is no love. Such communities produce heartless people that murder, rob, rape, destroy, plunder and loot. The importance of a healthy family is also highlighted in research which shows, those children who come from broken homes experience social and physiological problems.
Islam recognizes the importance of family in building a stable society and, therefore, encourages and strongly upholds the family structure and offers the most comprehensive teachings in this regard when compared to any other body of knowledge including that of our modern scientific era.
The Holy Prophet (SAW) said: “The best of you is he who is good to his family….” Al Hadis 1:2;3;35.
This does not apply to any one person in the family but applies to every member of the family. We all have to be good to one another and behave in a respectable manner, we need to be considerate, we need to communicate well and the most important part of communicating is to listen well and to put ourselves into the other person’s shoes.
The foundation of a family is a couple and Islam encourages a married way of life as this ensures the rights and well-being of everyone in the family unit, including that of the children. Marriage in Islam goes beyond simply fulfilling our physical desires to also develop our spiritual needs. It is regarded as being sacred, holy or a religious duty.
The Holy Prophet (SAW) has said that “marriage is my way and those who do not do this are not from me”.
Apart from ensuring the rights of everyone in the family, marriage saves people from fornication and prevents people from engaging in other perverse relationships. It also serves to make better people of us because, by making sacrifices to get along with others we become better people; we become more tolerant and accepting and we finally grow to love and be loved; we learn to trust and to be faithful. These are all important lessons to learn in the journey towards knowing and experiencing Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala.
Marriage is not a bed of roses, as most youngsters imagine it to be. We are no longer alone and we cannot do what pleases us but instead, we have to do things for the good of the whole family. For a marriage to work out, the couple, therefore, has to make sacrifices and strive hard for the good of the whole family and this is regarded as a good deed in Islam.
The Holy Prophet (SAW) said: “(as for) a dinar (money) you have spent in the way of Allah and a dinar you have spent in emancipating a slave and a dinar you have given to a poor man in charity and a dinar you have spent for your family. The greatest of them is the reward you will get when you spent on your family.” Al Hadis 1:2:3:37.
From all of this we must realize that marriage and family is important and we need to be fully committed towards this.
It is common sense that any organization needs a head for it to function smoothly and Islam teaches that it is essential for the husband to be the head of the household.
The Holy Prophet (SAW) said: “Next to fear of Allah, the believer finds nothing good for him than a virtuous wife. If he bids her she obeys him; if he looks at her, she gives him pleasure; if he gives her a promise, she fulfills it and if he is absent from her, she guards herself and his property,”Al Hadis 1:2:3:41.
“… women have their rights similar to their obligations in an equitable and just manner; yet men have a place above them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.” Al Quran 2:228.
A wife listening to a husband and following his lead is so important for the success of a marriage that the Holy Prophet (SAW) has said that
“if I had to give permission for anyone to bow down to anyone else then I would give the wife permission to bow down to her husband”.
We can never know more than Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala and His Messengers so, as women, we must therefore obey these teachings of Islam and listen to our husbands as this is an all important factor in building a successful and happy home. We must not be fooled to follow the so-called ‘liberated’ western women as portrayed in movies because in real life these people fail miserably when it comes to marriage and family. (more on this in our third article)
If we want to achieve anything in life then it means that we have to strive and make sacrifices. If we want to eat a good meal then it means that we have to do the hard work to prepare the meal.
Similarly, in a marriage our hard work and sacrifices will not be wasted. There is something to be gained. Apart from pleasing our Creator, we will have the opportunity of loving and being loved. This is a tremendous achievement because it fulfills our souls and gives us deep inner satisfaction. It takes a life-time of hard work and sacrifices to build such relationships and we will only relish the sweetness of our hard work towards the latter years of our lives. We should not give up at the first sign of a problem but we should have patience and try to solve these problems. Some people are tested in their marriage and go through hell in their marriage but their patience pays off in the end.
Divorce offers little solution but rather it sets us back because we have to deal with a whole lot of ‘baggage’ and we have to start afresh with someone else. Remember, it is easy to see the faults of others but it is extremely difficult to recognize the faults within ourselves.
“O ye who believe! …. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, through which Allah brings about a great deal of good.” Al Quran 4:19.
Children are the joy in a family. The huge costs, the smelly diapers, the incessant crying are all taxing but just that one toothless smile makes it all worthwhile. As parents we are responsible for shaping their future and what we instill in them would finally determine their outlook to life. There are so many things that we can give our children such as wealth, secular knowledge, entertainment amongst others. The Holy Prophet (SAW) has so wisely said:
“No father can give a better gift to his son than good manners.” Al Hadis 1:2:2:19.
Being friendly, smiling, greeting and respecting others, helping, sharing, being obedient, considerate, patience and charitable; these are good qualities that we should instill in them. We must try to teach them not to be proud, selfish, quarrelsome, jealous, spiteful, hateful, boastful or wasteful. The best way to teach these habits is to practice them ourselves by being good family members. With good manners, our children will be successful in everything they do in life and they will bring happiness to us. The Holy Prophet (SAW) asks us to pay particular attention to the softer side of our offspring. He said:
“Whoever maintains two girls till they attain maturity, he and I will come on resurrection day like this: and he joined his two fingers.” Al Hadis 1:2:2:20.
A family in Islam does not comprise of a spouse and children only but includes parents, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, cousins; anyone who has the same blood line. Even if we become grandfathers and grandmothers we still have an obligation to our parents and they still have rights over us, even above our spouses and children. We have to take good care of them and try to make them as happy as possible. In their old age, when they sometimes can become bothersome, we must exercise extreme patience and still maintain our respect and treat them as gently as possible. They tolerated our crying and smelly diapers when we were children, now we must be able to do the same for them. At most times, it takes very little to open up our hearts to our extended family but the returns are huge. The Holy Prophet (SAW) set the example. He was extremely good to his extended family. He loved his uncles and took care of his cousin Hazrath Ali (RA) as his own.
Being good to the whole extended family and spending on them is the way of attaining ‘taqwa’, piety and righteousness. When the following verse was revealed,
“By no means shall ye attain righteousness unless you give [freely] of that which you love; and whatever you give, of a truth Allah knows it well.” Al Quran 3:92.
The richest man in Medina, Abu Talhah said, “O Allah’s Messenger! Allah says, By no means shall you attain Al-Birr, unless you spend of that which you love; No doubt, Bayruha’ garden is the most beloved of all my property to me. So I want to give it in charity in Allah’s cause, and I expect its reward and compensation from Allah. O Allah’s Messenger! Spend it where Allah makes you think it feasible. ‘On that, Allah’s Messenger said,
‘Well-done! It is profitable property, it is profitable property. I have heard what you have said, and I think it would be proper if you gave it to your kith and kin.’ Abu Talhah said, ` I will do so, O Allah’s Messenger. ‘Then Abu Talhah distributed that garden among his relatives and cousins.” This Hadith was recorded in the Two Sahihs. Ibn Khatir.
Being good to our family is the basics in our religion.
From this, we can gather that a family in Islam comprises of more than just our spouse and children. The idea of an immediate family and an extended family is wrong because, in thinking like this, we tend to stress one more than the other, and sometimes, this type of thinking limits us and creates mental blocks to care and strive for our spouse and children only. Islam teaches us to broaden our horizons and open up our hearts to everyone. The benefits of living as an extended family are far greater than the benefits of living in smaller family units especially for the children.
We must remember that the movies we watch promote living in smaller family units and promote materialism. We are being subtly influenced by this without even realizing it. We need to overcome this influence and, when we do we will actually enjoy living in larger family units.
Peace and salutations be upon the Holy Prophet Muhammad PBUH