Conflict Resolution, the Means to Perfection
“You are very untidy and I’m tired from having to clean up after you constantly!” a wife complains to her husband.
The husband, although one hundred percent wrong, looks for ways to ‘save face’. Instead of talking about the current issue (his shabbiness), he goes on the attack to pick a fault with her on an unrelated issue or he sidelines it ignoring it altogether, or may even do something to show her ‘a point’. This results in a prolonged argument and it is just not fair.
This is not solving the problem but further complicating it, leading up to possible total collapse of the relationship in future.
Some people do not have control over their egos. They do not like to be told what to do and don’t appreciate their faults being highlighted. This nature is in-built in us all. Our challenge is to overcome it and in doing so, gain strength over our carnal self.
“….. the (human) soul is certainly prone to evil,……” Al Quraan 12:53. (Nafse Ammara)
Proper communication is important. If your spouse highlights a fault of yours and you have a reasonable explanation for your behaviour, explain yourself. They may see a different side to things.
Conjecture is a sin in Islam. We may sometimes see someone in the wrong but once they’ve explained themselves, we may come to realise that they were looking at things differently. This way of self-searching, acknowledging and then correcting oneself is behaving in a way that is truth-seeking.
“And I do call to witness the self-reproaching spirit: (Eschew Evil). Al Quraan 75:2 (nafse lawama)
If we are wrong, we must accept that it’s our fault, apologize and make changes. This, is growing our character.
Hazrath Umar RA was fierce and strong. In his rule, Islam expanded by leaps and bounds and yet he was so humble that when an ordinary woman corrected him in a large gathering, he accepted that he was wrong. He was the Amir of an empire, yet he humbly accepted the criticism of an ordinary woman and that too, publicly.
“(To the righteous soul will be said:) “O (thou) soul, in (complete) rest and satisfaction!
“Come back thou to thy Lord,- well pleased (thyself), and well-pleasing unto Him! Al Quraan” 89:27 (nafse mutmainna)
This is a person that is the master of his desires. This is how we must handle such a situation. Of all fights, the fight to control our carnal desires, is the greatest and most important struggle. One has to win this struggle first before one can correct and teach others.
Not only will this help us have better relationships with all but it will also benefit us greatly in our relationship with our Creator. It will grow our spirituality and strengthen our faith, and this would please our Lord as the verse above states. Alham-dulillah! END
Author: Mohammed Hassan Gaffoor
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