Good Manners
Islam teaches us to behave in a good, wholesome way with everyone around us. This is having good manners, or having good conduct.
The benefits of having good manners is that, firstly, it would enable us to have successful relationships with those around us: our parents, spouses, siblings and neighbours. In this way, it is the path towards living a good, happy, and fulfilled life.
Secondly: a society that is based on good morals and manners provides a stable and secure life for all, leading to all-round prosperity.
Thirdly and most importantly: Inculcating good manners is so important that it has a bearing on growing our characters, our spirituality, our ’emaan’ and ultimately, obeying and pleasing our Creator.
Inculcating good manners requires us to control our carnal desires such as our anger, pride, jealousy, greed and so forth. Such control makes us better people. Its the way to unlocking our full potential.
Our Holy Prophet Muhammad Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam has said: “The most perfect of the believers in faith is he who is best in manners.” Al Hadith 1:1:3:41
There are many verses scattered throughout the Holy Quraan extolling us towards cultivating good manners.
The 49th Surah, Al Hujrath (inner apartment) which is a chapter of the Holy Quraan is practically dedicated to manners in its entirety. This is unusual because the Holy Quraan does not normally deal with one specific subject in a long chapter. So having good manners is highly important.
This surah starts off by teaching us how to respect those above us; Allah’s Chosen Ones. Our spiritual guide said things like: Respect is one of those special qualities that would open up the doors to immense good, while disrespect is something that leads to eventual misfortune.
Our parents, elders, teachers and husbands would also fit into this category. We have to respect them by listening to them and being good to them, by not walking before them, by not talking loudly in their presence, by trying to please them and by taking care of them if needs be.
The surah then moves onto teaching us to be discerning about the truth, especially when we hear something from someone who does not have a good reputation. Such tales will have a negative bearing on our morality and our relationships, so we must be careful. We must be on guard because shaitaan loves to cause discord.
The surah goes on to teach us to be peace makers in the event of disagreements and disputes which in turn grooms us towards being just, fair and impartial. It teaches us not to jump to conclusions but to consider all sides carefully. In going through conflicts we must never overlook wrong, because peace that is built on overlooking wrong would never last. We have to fight wrong and stand up strongly for truth.
This surah teaches us not to mock others or to defame people or to be sarcastic or to call people by offensive nicknames. These are mannerisms that would damage our relationships with people. We must instead treat people with respect so as to build relationships.
It goes on to say, suspicion is not based on truth and is something we should avoid because it leads towards broken relationships. We must avoid interfering in other people’s lives by spying on them or backbiting.
Towards the end of this surah Allah SWT talks about the different races. We are all from Adam AS, and we must never look down upon or treat other races poorly. These are all signs of Allah, for us to learn from.
The surah ends by teaching us to strive with your belongings and person in the path of Allah. But at the same time, it teaches us to beware of pride. We must never think that we are great if we are pious and if we sacrificed for Allah SWT. Our ability to be good is through His favour, guidance and blessings upon us.
On the whole, good manners is all about grooming ourselves to have good relationships with others.
And good relationships with others is therefore Important, a part of “emaan”. Very important. It is more important than than acts of worship.
Abu Hurayra said, “The Prophet, (ﷺ) may Allah bless him and grant him peace, was asked, ‘Messenger of Allah! A certain woman prays in the night, fasts in the day, acts and gives sadaqa, but injures her neighbours with her tongue.’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘There is no good in her. She is one of the people of the Fire.’ They said, ‘Another woman prays the prescribed prayers and gives bits of curd as sadaqa and does not injure anyone.’ The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, ‘She is one of the people of the Garden.'”
When we consider what’s happening all around us today (divorce, abandoned parents in old-age homes and a total disregard for others in our society), it’s easy to conclude that there is a lot of work that needs to be done in this department.
These verses of the Holy Quraan below relates to good manners/conduct:
**Greet people when entering their home (24:27)
**Return a greeting in a better manner (4:86)
**Speak politely, even to the ignorant (25:63)
**Speak gently, even to leaders of disbelief (20:44)
**Be good to guests (51:24-27)
**Make room for others at gatherings (58:11)
**Seek permission before entering someone’s room (24:59)
**Think good of others (24:12)
**Keep to our oaths (5:89)
**Honour our treaties (9:4)
**Walk in a humble manner (25:63)
**Lower our voices and talk moderately (31:19)
**Respond to evil with good (41:34)
** Know that your enemies can become your close friends (41:34)
** If an enemy wants peace, then accept it (8:61)
**Feed the poor (22:36)
**Restrain our anger (3:134)
**Turn away from ill speech (23:3)
**Fulfill our trusts & promises (23:8)
**Be just, even against ourselves & relatives (4:135)
**Teach others in a good and wise manner (16:125)
**Forgive others, as we would like Allah to forgive us (24:22)
**Don’t insult anothers’ religion (6:108)
**Don’t waste (17:26)
**Don’t take bribes (27:36)
**Don’t spread gossip (24:15) **Don’t harm believers (33:58)
**Don’t be rude to parents (17:23)
**Don’t say what you don’t do (62:2)
**Don’t deceive people in trade (6:152)
**Don’t take items without right (3:162)
**Don’t ask unnecessary questions (5:101)
**Don’t be miserly nor extravagant (25:67)
**Don’t claim yourselves to be pure (53:32)
**Don’t ask repayment for favours (76:9)
**Don’t remind others of your favours (2:264)
** Don’t let hatred cause you to be unjust (6:108)
**Don’t ask too many favours from people (2:273)
**Don’t criticize small contributions of others (9:79)
**Try to make peace between husband & wife
(4:128)
**Oppression/corruption is worse than killing (2:217)
**Don’t accuse others of immorality without proof (24:4)
**Don’t call someone a disbeliever without knowing (4:94)
**Don’t wrongly consume the wealth of the vulnerable (4:29)
**Don’t turn your cheek away from people in arrogance (31:18)
**Seek Prophet’s permission when leaving his gathering (24:62)
**Don’t hold secret meetings for sin, rather do so for piety (58:9)
**Don’t order others to do good while forgetting it yourself (2:44)
**Be patient with your teacher & follow his instructions (18:67-69)
**Don’t frown, turn away or neglect those who come to you (80:10)
**If unable to help a needy person, at least speak nice words (17:28)
**Be lenient to those under you, and consult them in matters (3:159)
**Don’t remain in the Prophet’s home unnecessarily after a meal (33:53)
**Those who can should continue to spend on those less fortunate (24:22)
**Don’t enter homes without permission & return if refused entry (24:27-28)
**Don’t sit with those who mock religion until they change the subject (4:140)
**Say it’s not appropriate to talk of slander when it’s mentioned to you (24:16)
**Punish in an equivalent manner to how you were harmed or be patient (16:126)
** Don’t take women by force, nor take back bridal gift without a valid reason & live with them in kindness (4:19)
** Dont Lie (22:30)
END
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Author: Mohammed Hassan Gaffoor.
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