Friends
We are living in very trying times in that, age old social structures are falling apart. We are moving towards living alone. Leave alone extended families, people are struggling to sustain their marriages. It ends in divorce. Below, we explore some Islamic teachings on building relationships.
Friendship is so important in Islam that it is regarded as something that helps us in developing our ‘Imaan’ (belief in Allah) and developing faith or ‘Imaan’, as we all know, is of paramount importance for our all round success.
“The Holy Prophet SAW has said … keep good company with one who keeps company with you, you will then be a true believer.” Al Hadith, 1:4:42:364
Hazrath Ali RA said: “you should take to friends. They will be counted in this world and the next. Have you not heard about (and he quotes from Quran) the inmates of hell who say “we have got no intercessors or bosom friends.” 17:97
What is friendship? Somebody we spend time with, share thoughts and feelings with, sincerely care for one another, help each other in times of difficulty, uplift each other.
Developing friendships requires us to have a certain attitude. We need to be respectful, caring, sharing and loving towards others. We must want the best for others and be prepared to make sacrifices for the wellbeing of others. On the flip side it requires us to never be selfish, envious and spiteful of the good that others have. We must be sincere and never, as an example, build relationships so as to get something in return. Think of it like this; it’s not about what we can get but it is about what we can give so as to build relationships and this makes our Creator happy. Now when we practice repelling evil or bad ways and instead concentrate on developing a good attitude to others then we will, not only get us friends here on earth, but this will also take us closer to our Creator.
“….. but Allah is the Helping-Friend of those who have become secure against evil.” Al Quran, 45:19
Unfortunately building relationships does not depend on us only but it also depends on the people we are trying to befriend. It takes two hands to clap. So we cannot give it all to just anyone. Yes our doors of friendship must always be open to all but we still have to be careful of who we choose to befriend when we have the choice.
Islam therefore, teaches us to choose our friends wisely. Choose friends that would take us closer towards good and Allah SWT. Not friends that will influence us down the wrong road towards drugs, gambling, materialism and so forth.
“Let not the believers take the disbelievers for friends in preference to the believers unless you very carefully guard against evil from them.” Al Quran, 3:28.
The Holy Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him said: “A good and a bad companion are like a bearer of musk and one who pumps filth. As for the bearer of musk, he will either give you a share or you will get perfume air from him or you will purchase something from him and for the one who pumps filth, he will either burn your clothes or you will smell filthy smells from him.” Al hadith, 1:4:42:340
If our aim is Allah, and it should be, then having friends that are friends with Allah is the ultimate. It is to these people that we need to turn our attention to and it must be to them that we give it all without any reservations. We simpy have to pray for and look out for such friends.
Ah! The Aulia Allah (Friends of Allah). They are always thinking of Allah SWT and they do everything to please Him. In their relationships with others, in their working, in their sleeping; everything is centered around Allah SWT. In return, if ever they raise up their hands and pray to Allah SWT, their prayers are answered although they seldom pray for themselves. It’s mostly for others. On the Day of Judgement their intercession would be granted. We must befriend them so that we too will be friends with Allah SWT.
A best friend is he who shows us our faults and can teach us about our Creator, a best friend is he who is still around when things are really bleak for us, a best friend is he who cares so much that he could help us to even rise above himself.
Friendship is the groundwork or the ladder that leads to belief and love and it helps in the refinement of our characters and personalities.
Therefore the best friends to have are Allah SWT’s Messengers and chosen ones and all those that are associated with Him and the worst of friends to have are those that are the enemies of Allah SWT such as Shaitaan and the disbelievers
“Do you think that you will be left (alone in peace) while Allah has not yet distinguished those who strove hard (for His cause) from among you and who have taken no protecting friend apart from Allah and His Messenger and the believers? Allah is Well-Aware of what you do.” Al Quran, 9:16
Verily, We have made satans friends of those who do not believe. 7:26
If everybody is taught to be friendly and to care for others then this would result in a healthy society in which everyone can benefit.
“And the believing men and women both are friends one of another. They enjoin the right and forbid the wrong and observe Prayer and go on presenting the Zakaath and obey Allah and His Messenger.” Al Quran, 9:71
Being friendly and imbibing the attributes of caring and sharing is that which creates an ‘ummah’ (a closely knit community). This is what Islam strives towards. We today need to be careful because we are being indoctrinated to be materialistic and materialistic people are selfish people. The cure: give presents, share our meals, invite and entertain guests. Instead of investing for ourselves in properties and businesses more than our basic needs, rather invest in our relationships with others for the sake of Allah SWT by spending on them. Never fear, giving does not bring about poverty but on the contrary it brings about abundance and blessings in ways we can never anticipate. It is for these reasons of improving our character, that friendship is associated with faith.
“And the believing men and women both are friends one of another. They enjoin the right and forbid the wrong ….” Al Quran, 9:71
Friendship must also include those closest to us: our parents, siblings, spouses, children and so forth. We must never think small and only concentrate on our spouse and children only. Open up our hearts to all around us. The more friends we have the better.
Lets give our brother or sister a gift, let’s have family get togethers, maybe, once a week. Let’s make friends at the mosque by doing things together.
We must be weary: shaitaan loves to cause dissension between people, especially a married couple. We must not be suspicious or jump to conclusions (conjecture) because this harms our relationships. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
The blessings in friendship are many.
The Holy Prophet Muhammad Salal lahu Alayhe wa salam has said “…. and love for people is half of wisdom,…” Al Hadith, 1:4:42:194w.
Priority in friendship is important. Allah SWT and His chosen ones first, then our parents, teachers, siblings, spouse and children.
”And who is better in faith than one who submits his whole attention to Allah and he is a doer of good to others and follows the religion of Abraham, the upright? And Allah had taken Abraham for a special friend. “ Al Quran, 4:125
What a lovely example the Holy Quran gives of a disbeliever, of that person that prioritises other relationships before Allah and His Messengers.
“The case of those who take helping friends apart from Allah is like the case of the spider that takes (to itself) a house, yet of (all) houses the house of the spider is the frailest. “ Al Quran, 29;41
NOTE 1: Watch our KZN Juloos Meelad un Nabi (PBUH) introduction: https://youtu.be/tf86eS-BQq4?feature=shared
NOTE 2: listen to a beautiful naath on this theme: The Light Of Muhammad (PBUH)
NOTE 3: Read our novel, also based on this theme – Doolhun The Bride.