There is great wisdom in why Islam has ‘the three divorces’ and giving all three divorces at once is unislamic and defeating the purpose of having three spaced out divorces.
With the name of Allah,the Most Gracious, the ever Merciful.
In Islam there is no such thing as giving three divorces all at once. This practice is totally against the teachings of the Holy Quran and the Traditions of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (SAW).
Once, when the Messenger of Allah was informed about a man who gave three divorces at one time he became enraged and said: “Are you playing games with the book of Allah while I am still amongst you? Al Hadis 2:27:20:154
His anger reflected in his completion and he repeated this so much so that someone asked weather they should kill this person.
He was enraged because it is very clear in the Holy Quran that the final divorce should only take place after the wife has been through three menstrual cycles.
“O Prophet! (tell the believers that) when you decide to divorce (your) women divorce them at a time when their `Iddat can be calculated and count (accurately) their prescribed periods:…”Al Quran 65:1.
As human beings we all make mistakes and we need the chance to correct ourselves. Between a husband and a wife there is certain to be problems and both need time to reflect and find solutions. Therefore Islam does not allow an immediate break in a marriage but allows ample time for the couple to think about what they are doing carefully. Even before a man actually gives the first divorce he should take certain steps which would force the couple into thinking seriously about their feelings and actions towards one another.
“…. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (Lightly): but if they return to obedience seek not against them means of (annoyance) for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all)” Al Quran 4:34
When a man decides to abstain from intimate relationships with his wife then there is a limit to this as well. He cannot indefinitely stay away from his wife yet keep her tied to their marriage.
“Those who vow (to abstain) from their wives, (the maximum) period of waiting (for them) is four months (after which divorce becomes inevitable), then if they (are reconciled within four months and) revert (to their normal relations), then, surely, Allah is Great Protector, Ever Merciful.” Al Quran 2:226
If after having trying to bring about changes in your spouse by counseling her, abstaining from her and lightly beating her then only can one proceed to divorce or more appropriately trial separation. This entails the couple separating for the duration that the woman takes to have three menstrual cycles and is called “iddath”.
“But if they have resolved on divorce, then (they should know that) surely Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing. And the divorced women must keep themselves waiting for three (monthly) courses (as `Iddat), and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs, if indeed they believe in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have a better right to take them back in the meanwhile, provided they desire and mean reconciliation. And women have their rights similar to their obligations in an equitable and just manner; yet men have a place above them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.” Al Quran 2:227.
The marriage can be reconciled at any time during this period. At the end of this period however a decision has to be taken. The husband should either choose to get back together with his wife or separate completely.
If he chooses to separate then he must give her the remaining two divorces (this too has a process of waiting) and the marriage would be over. If he chooses to get back together with his wife again, then all is not the same as before. This entire process of going through a trial separation for three months is regarded as one divorce and there are only two more remaining. The marriage can only go through this process of trial separation on one more occasion. The third divorce does not have the trial period like the first two and it is effective immediately and is irreconcilable. So when we talk about three divorces in Islam it is not only about saying the word “divorce” three times but it is more importantly referring to two trial separations with intent for divorce and one final divorce which is irreconcilable.
“Such a (revocable) divorce may be (pronounced) twice, then, (after the second pronouncement) there should be either retaining (the wife) with honor and fairness or letting (her) leave with goodness.” Al Quran 2:229
“And when you divorce (your) women (a revocable divorce), and they approach the end of their `Iddat (-the prescribed period of waiting after divorce) then either retain them in an equitable manner or send them away (- freeing them) in an equitable manner. And do not retain them wrongfully that you may exceed the proper limits (and do them harm and maltreat them). And whoever does that he has indeed done wrong and injustice to himself. Do not take Allah’s commandments in a light way; and remember Allah’s favor on you and what He has revealed to you of the Book and the Wisdom, wherewith He exhorts you. And take Allah as a shield and know that Allah has perfect knowledge of everything.”Al Quran 2:231
Trial separation does not mean that the ones intending to separate could now go out and meet other prospective partners like it is in western culture. They are still bound in wedlock and must spend this time contemplating about their marriage.
“But if he divorces her (for the third time) then she is not lawful for him after that, until she has married another husband. Now if he (- the second husband also) divorces her (of his own accord) then there is no blame on them (- the former husband and wife) to return to each other (by remarriage) provided they are sure that they will be able to abide by the injunctions of Allah. These are the injunctions of Allah. He makes them clear to the people who would know.” Al Quran 2:230
Now back to the situation of giving three divorces at one time. This is “bid at” or an innovation and judging by the situations people find themselves in today when they make such rash decisions it is a bad innovation that brings about no good. The Prophet (SAW) was totally against such a practice of giving three divorces at one time and we should refrain from such a practice. This practice also goes against the teachings of the Holy Quran. If we are Muslims we should not do something that is different to what our religion teaches.
Although it is against our religion it seems that people have been giving three divorces in the past and with the result there is a whole lot of fatwas related to it. This type of divorce is called “talaq e bidat” in books and there are different ways in which it has been handled in the past by the four Imaams of the four mazhabs. If we want to save ourselves from a whole lot of unnecessary problems when it comes to marriage then we must follow what the Holy Prophet (SAW) has taught us and which is very clear in the Holy Quran: Do not give three divorces at one time. It is against our religion.
Even if we do follow our religion and divorce by the book then know that Allah Subhanatallah does not like divorce. Do we want to do something that our Creator does not like? By getting married and making it work we can learn so many invaluable, priceless lessons and it is for this reason that The Prophet (SAW) has said that marriage is half of faith. Yes marriage is a part of faith and divorce indicates a lack of faith. In striving to make a marriage work we learn to tolerate, to sacrifice, to love, to submit, to apologize and so forth.
Nothing is easy and straightforward in life. We are going to experience problems in marriage and if we have the faith, patience and courage to work through the problems then there is something most precious to be gained, true love and becoming a better person.
Peace and salutations be upon the Holy Prophet Muhammad PBUH
Writer: Mohammed Hassan Gaffoor – +27849101486 (WhatsApp only)