Mother and daughter in-laws. Religious teachings to make the best out of these relationships.
With the name of Allah most Beneficient ever Merciful
Many Muslim women today feel that the husband is all that matters and the in laws have no say in their lives. Some even go to the extent of having arguments with their in laws and alienating themselves and their husbands from them.
This is not the Islamic way. Islam teaches us to respect the elderly and to build good relationships with everyone, especially those of kith and kin (family).
Actually, it is more than this; it is not a plea, but a command from Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala to be good to family and to spend on them.
“Allah commands justice, the doing of good, and liberality to kith and kin, and He forbids all shameful deeds, and injustice and rebellion: He instructs you, that ye may receive admonition.” 16:90
Our parents and our in laws are a special part of our family and they have a say in our lives. A father has more rights to his son than the son’s wife has to him.
A man once came to the Prophet ﷺ and said: “I have got wealth and my father is in need of my wealth. The Prophet ﷺ said ‘both you and your wealth belong to your father. Verily your children are the best of your earnings. So eat of the earnings of your children.” Al Hadis 1:2:2:33.
This makes perfect sense because parents go through a great deal of hardships and sacrifices to bring up their children and when they are old and feeble, their children should take care of them.
The right of a father over his son is even greater than this. If he does not like his daughter in law then he could tell his son to divorce her. “Ibn Omar (RA) reported. I had a wife whom I loved but my father disliked her. He told me to divorce her but I refused. Then my father went to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and told him about it. The Messenger of Allah told me to divorce her.” Al Hadis 1:2:1:15.
This is not just a once of example. When Hazrath Ebrahiem (AS) met his daughter in law, the first wife of Hazrath Ismail (AS), he found her to be of poor character and he told her to tell her husband to change the doormat to his front door. He did not instruct his son directly yet he followed his command and divorced his wife.
(Please Note: we must not use these quotations to tell our sons to divorce their wives because our wife told us to do this, or because she is a revert Muslim or because she is poor etc. The fathers that did this were extraordinary people with a deep understanding of life that lived up to the highest moral code.
We only quoting these hadith to show how important parents are and we should not ignore them after we get married and to stress on daughter in laws to open up their hearts and to be kind and good to their in-laws.
Apart from this Islam teaches us to make relationships and not break them. Marriage is sacred and if anything, parents should use their say to help their children build strong martial bonds.
Apart from this, as Muslims, we should open up our hearts to everyone. We must treat the child on the street as our child, the elderly woman as our mother and not limit ourselves to love and care for certain people only.
So we must treat our daughter in laws better that the way we treat our children.
Loving people makes one feel happy while thinking badly of someone, being suspicious of them or hating them leads to sadness and misery. We must therefore try to make the best out of every relationship so that we could be happy and make others happy.
Our in-laws or our daughters in law are important people in our lives and we should try to develop good relationships with them. We need to be kind, caring, tolerant and forgiving and Insh’Allah, we would have good relationships ships with them.
Everyone has faults but they will also have some good habits so we should try to focus on the person’s good side instead of the bad. Shaitaan loves to cause divisions between people and he uses our desires to make us focus on the faults of others and to cause divisions.
We should not follow shaitaan and therefore always be wary of this and not allow ourselves to think negatively of others.
If we have a problem with our in-laws then this is going to bother our spouses because these are his\her parents and no one wants their parents to be treated badly. In this way, when we treat our in-laws badly, we are actually causing problems in our marriage.
As in-laws, we should treat our children’s spouses as our own children or even better because they are a ‘trust from Allah’ and when there are arguments between our children and their spouses, then we should not show favoritism but be just and fair.
We need to understand that everyone brings up their children differently and it is therefore important for everyone to be tolerant because people from different backgrounds are coming together.
Just as we are able to tolerate and overlook the faults and shortcomings of our children we must be able to do the same for our children’s spouses. Just as we are tolerant and accepting of our parents we should be able to do the same for our in-laws.
It is important to put ourselves into other people’s shoes to feel what they feel. Imagine, if we were older and our daughter in law treated us badly and turned our children against us?
Put ourselves into our daughter in laws shoes. They left their homes, their parents, their surnames to become a part of a completely new way of life. Should we not treat them better than our own children and allow them a bit of space to adjust? Should we not make their stay or visits to our homes a pleasurable one?
There are so many hadith that teach us to have good relationships with our family and we give one as an example:
The Prophet ﷺ said, “The word ‘Ar-Rahm’ (womb) derives its name from ‘Ar-Rahman’ (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. Kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of Kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him. Bukahari Volume 8, Book 73, Number 18:
End.
Peace and salutations be upon Allah’s Messengers who are responsible for guiding humanity throughout time. Ameen.
Published by Anjuman e Waris e Mohammedi in 2017.
The Anjuman e Waris e Mohammedi was founded by Dr/Hakim Hazrath Khwaja Sayed Shareef Ahmed Ali Shah RA (lovingly known as Hazrath Poona Wale Shah Saab RA).
Author: Mohamed Hassan Gaffoor WhatsApp; +27 84 910 1486
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