Shataan (satan) is our avowed enemy and he loves to cause fights between people especially between a husband and wife. When we fight we become his instrument and when be try for peace we put him to shame. It’s peace or war?‽
With the name of Allah, most Beneficient, ever Merciful.
Have you come across situations where someone simply hates you and does everything in their power to deviously get rid of you? It starts off from a simple argument but it gradually progresses towards deep seated enmity, suspicion and lifelong feuds.
Perhaps you are in one of the following common situations.
Your brother wants your inheritance and he is picking a fight with you to get it—your mother in-law detests you and ill treats you because she still wants to still rule over her son—
Your daughter in-law looks for every excuse to pick a fight with you because she wants to take your son totally away from you and your family—Your unreasonable, nasty neighbor is out to aggravate you by playing loud music or dumping dirt into your yard—
Your coworker is out to paint you black with the boss so that he could be the next in line for the promotion—You have a jealous competitor that is finding fault with your leadership in an organization so that he could get rid of you and take your place, etc.
How have you reacted? Most of us give them back their own medicine and fight tooth and nail because we know we are right. This seems to be the right thing to do because we are certain that we are 100 percent right and they are 100 percent wrong.
After all we are only fighting for “Haq”. Now let us take a look at how Islam teaches us to handle such situations.
“…Repel (evil) with what is better: then will he and you, between whom there was hatred will become friendly and intimate. And no one would be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self restraint, none but persons of the greatest good fortune. And if (at anytime) an incitement to discord is made to thee by the shaitaan, seek refuge in Allah. He is the One Who hears and knows all things.” AL Quraan 41:32134
In other words, we must not give them back their own medicine but instead befriend them by doing acts of kindness to them. By giving them back their own medicine we would only aggravate the situation resulting in a ding dong, tit for tat battle.
According to this verse, taking revenge or the notion that we are standing up for “haq” is actually a suggestion made to us by our “nafs” or “ego” or as this verse calls it: “Shaitaan” and if we retaliate then although we may be the one wronged, and retaliating is okay, it would be better to instead react with kindness and forbearance.
The Prophet Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam once told Oqah-b-Amer: Shall I not inform you about the best characters from the inmates of this world and the next. He said yes. You shall keep relationship with one who cuts it off from you, you shall forgive one who disappointed you and you shall pardon one who oppresses you. Al Hadith chapt on pardon.
The Prophet Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam said: O Abu Huraitaha, you should take to good conduct. Abu Huraitaha asked: O messenger of Allah, what is good conduct? He replied: Keep the tie of relationship with one who cuts it off. forgive one who oppresses you and give charity to one who deprives you.” Ihya Ullum-Din-Chpt. Love & Brotherhood.
Imaam Gazzalie (RA) further states “love for one another, friendship and brotherhood is the best way for nearness to Allah.” If you cannot love those around you, you would never love Allah. This quality of being good to someone that does ill to you is a grand quality which is the fruit of patience and self restraint.
This behavior comes from a magnanimous, kind person of great maturity, understanding and wisdom. Allah in this verse classifies such a person as a person of “the greatest good fortune.”
The Prophet Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam has said that Growing to Love someone for the sake of Allah earns that person a lofty state in paradise. Love for Allah and Hate for Allah only. The Prophet Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam has said love for people is half of wisdom.
There are numerous occasions when the Prophet Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam acted with kindness to his enemies and perhaps the best example of this was when he forgave Hind who had murdered a close uncle of his.
Another such example was his mission to Taif, where he was stoned by the hands of the children of the city. As he left the city he prayed to Allah to make him a better teacher. He thought that perhaps he did not do his job properly.
It was at this moment that Allah Tala came to “Joosh” and sent Hazrath Gibriel (AS) with instructions to flatten the city with Mount Uhud if the Prophet Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam so wished.
Instead the Prophet Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam pleaded to Allah for their forgiveness and asked Allah to bless their children with guidance.
The Great saint of India, Hazrath Khwaja Gareeb e Nawaaz based his mission on “love all and hate none.” -It is this kind of attitude that gave him such great success in India. He spread the word of the Prophet Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam without force and bloodshed.
Once the Prophet Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam gave the following advice: When you notice a bad quality in your wife then look towards her good qualities.
This can relate to any relationship. When you focus on the negative qualities of someone then this is poison for your body, soul and the relationship. One begins to constantly think about the person in a negative light and hatred begins to build up.
We begin to question every action of the person and we read into them all sorts of evil. Instead of focusing and thinking about Allah and doing good we are consumed with hatred. Instead of us being constructive we are being destructive.
On the other hand when we look towards their good qualities then this becomes balm to the body, soul and the relationship. We would then look at the person in a positive light and our hearts and minds become light. This kind of attitude is healthy for a person.
The Apostle of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhe wasallam) declared: Shake hands with one another. The spite of the heart will vanish. Send presents to one another and you will be friends, Enmity will disappear, Muwatta 1622.
On a broader scale this also applies to relationships between families, different schools of thought, and different religions.
When wr condemn another sect or Religion then they would never be able to see the light that we wish to show them but instead we would drive them away.
“In these days brothers in faith have become few and hard to find,” a man said to Junaid (RA). “If you are looking for someone to bear your burdens, such men are indeed hard to find,” Junaid countered “But if you are seeking to carry someone’s load, such brothers are to be found plenty with me.”
So the next time we end up in an unpleasant situation we must try a different approach. Instead of arguing and taking up arms, we must extend the hand of love and friendship by greeting, sending gifts and kind words.
We would only do ourselves good by freeing ourselves from ill feelings and unnecessary tension. In a Hadith-e-Qudsie the Prophet Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam has said that Allah says: My meeting becomes sure for those who meet one another for Me. My love becomes sure for those who love one another for Me. My help becomes sure those who help one other for Me END
Peace and Salutations be upon Muhammad Salallahu Alayhe Wasallam.
Published by Anjuman e Waris e Mohammedi in 2011
Anjuman e Waris e Mohammedi was founded by Dr/Hakim Hazrath Khwaja Sayed Shareef Ahmed Ali Shah RA, (lovingly known as Hazrath Poona Wale Shah Saib RA).
Author: Mahomed Hassan Gaffoor
His WhatsApp: +27 84 910 1486